Life is about being prepared. It’s pretty safe to say that at some point in every guy’s life, he will find himself staring at a stove with a hungry female in the background. Here is how to come out on top of that situation.

[I apologize in advance for being over the top. Here’s the less exciting description: I’ve had to cook for myself for the last 8 months. I can still hardly crack an egg, but I have found a few recipes that are ridiculously easy as well as being tasty. This entry is about three of them.]

Breakfast: Sling scrambled eggs like Gordon Ramsey

Gordon Ramsey is a god in the kitchen. This video captures him stepping down from Olympus to teach us mere mortals how to make “the perfect scrambled egg”.

Summary:

• Toss 3 eggs into a pot.
• Sauté tomatoes and mushrooms. (That means put them in a pan with some olive oil. Cooks just want to make you think they’re doing something complicated.)
• Add a pat of butter.
• Alternate taking the pot on and off the heat. Also, constantly work the eggs with a spatula.
• Mix in crème fraîche (for the uninitiated: it’s similar in texture to sour cream, but it tastes like heaven) to finish it off.

Lunch: Pretend you’re a ninja. Then make sandwiches.

A ninja would combine greens from the top of Mount Hotaka in Japan, phoenix eggs from Psyttalia, and an infinitesimally small slice of wormwood. Fortunately, you don’t need to go to such great lengths to make sandwiches. However, you can still capture the spirit of such a ridiculous concoction: be bold with your ingredients and emphasize contrast for spectacular effect.

This is one of my recent forays into sandwich artistry. Presentation goes a long way.

Here are some ideas for ingredients—

• Fig jelly
• Apples
• Any cheese except sliced cheese
• Avocado
• Green/Yellow/Red pepper
• Salami

Dinner: Cook like your mom or, if that’s not possible, like my friend Nick’s mom

One of my dad’s proudest stories is how he cooked a spaghetti dinner for my mom using his mom’s spaghetti sauce that he had in a jar. Do this.

If your mom doesn’t jar spaghetti sauce, ask for one of her best easy recipes. She’ll be flattered at the opportunity to teach her strapping young gentleman of a son his way around the kitchen.

An example from superspark (click to see her recipe)

If neither of those two options suit you, swipe this recipe from my friend Nick’s mom—

• Start heating some olive/sunflower seed oil in a pan
• Put flour into a bowl. Then crack an egg or two into another bowl. Finally, throw some bread crumbs into a third bowl
• Filet (slice lengthwise) boneless chicken breasts. These are called cutlets.
• Cover each chicken cutlet in flour, then egg, and then bread crumbs. Throw the breaded cutlets into the pan.
• Apply salt and pepper liberally. Wait until it looks tasty.

Is your date a vegetarian? No worries, substitute slices of eggplant for the chicken.

Serve this with a simple side like grilled asparagus.

Top it off with your musings about cooking and life

Your date would love to hear about why you happen to cook. Here’s a sample of some conversational garnish—

“Oh! I’m so glad that you asked. Cooking has become such an important, albeit simple, part of my life. It’s very Zen-like, requiring both concentration and patience. I find that it makes me appreciate all the food that I eat more because I understand it. [insert self-deprecating chuckle] That must sound so silly, I guess I’ve never said it out loud.”

[Small confession: I actually believe that last paragraph. Cooking is satisfying: everyone should give it a shot.]